Hi all..
It's been a bit since I've blogged as anyone who reads this knows. My thoughts have been very scattered of late. I've been thinking about the future... maybe more than I should. Over the past several years, I have earnestly tried to pass through as many doors as God has set in my path. There have been many, and I have not been afraid. Movement leaves no time for fear or doubt.. at least for me.
Since the end of the year and finishing many months of directing, I stopped.
I had a brief moment of excitement. Excitement for the unknown, for whatever it was that was coming next. While it was a nice feeling, it was, like most "feelings", transitory. I find myself now sifting through the lake of self-reflection. I don't regret any choices in my life. They have all led me to this place, to the people in my life, to the many things that give joy to me on a daily basis.
I don't know why I have such difficulty with these transitory periods, but nonetheless, they give me much grief. Revisiting old dreams can bring with them overwhelming feelings, nostalgic and sweet, but sometimes sad and lonely. We all go through them. I do not know of any person, married or single, in any realm of life, profession or age that, at some point, doesn't yearn for something else..
something more.
I'm fairly certain that one of the reasons for my abrupt stop is fear. Some of the ideas I have been entertaining about the future are exceedingly foreign and, I fear to many, very silly. I have not given up praying that God will still bring my intended, a DH, as Dorinda refers to. I still dream of a family, but I know God's timing is not my timing. And. In the meantime... what is a girl to do?! "A life lived in fear is a life half-lived." I *do* believe that. I'm just not sure in what direction I am to point my feet.
Emily Dickinson said, "Dwell in possibilities."
I agree with her. I just don't want to dwell there too long. I still believe movement is good... as long as it is not in vain.. taking me somewhere I am not meant to be. Wherever that is. What do *you* think?
Angela
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Monday, November 24, 2008
Water and Blood and Creepy Clowns! Oh My!
What a strange couple of days. I'm not exactly sure how these things come about as they do, but here is what happened to me.
I woke up Sunday morning, tired from Saturday. I had spent several, meaning 6 or 7, hours at the theater, conducting a hair and makeup/costume day for the play that I'm directing "The Best Christmas Pageant Ever". Generally, Sunday would be my relaxation day. Church in the morning followed by an afternoon for a nap or laundry or whatever else I'd like to do.. followed in the evening by church again. Yesterday turned out a bit differently than this.
My mother and I were in the dining room discussing Thanksgiving menus. I had just finished washing my cereal bowl and had sat down to resume the discussion when we heard a swishing sound. It was muffled, but sounded close. Within 5 seconds I realized where it was coming from and scurried over to the sink and opened the cabinet to see gallons of water spraying from beneath the sink. I was still in my bathrobe, but I quickly pulled out everything stored underneath the sink and began dumping out buckets of cleaning supplies to use as water catchers. Once I realized there was no valve underneath the sink to turn off the water, I directed my mother to find the water valve outside the house. This took several minutes and involved looking underneath the house. The water was hot, steaming up my glasses while also spraying me so I couldn't see. I was grateful that I had recently emptied several large shoebox size plastic containers containing movies that I was able to grab and use for water catching too. In the end, I was able to catch probably about 7 gallons of water that would have been on the floor. Unfortunately, there was at least twice that much covering our kitchen, dining room, and living room. The clean up took several hours. Water filled the bottom of all our kitchen cabinets, soaked through the panelled walls and into the carpeted living room about 4 feet, into the dining area and around the computer. The good news is that the computer tower does not sit on the floor, and the piano and electronics in the living room had just recently been moved away from the affected wall. My brother and dad were hunting and had to be called to come home. This took a long while. My sister and her boyfriend had to be called. She was hungover.. and she'd kill me for telling on her.. getting her up and over to help us also took a good long while. Somewhere in all of this I managed to put on some clothing and verify nothing highly valuable was destroyed. Then the dog got out. Good grief! Who left the door open? Melissa? We ran after her barefooted and managed to catch her after several minutes. She just wanted to meet the neighbor dogs. Okay.. dog goes into the bathroom.
Next comes the part where we realize that water has gone into the living room through the wall. My brother and sister help move items away from the wall and we pull up the carpet and padding to see how far the damage goes. Mom and Dad have been wanting to take out the carpet anyway.. Now is the time!! We all decide that we will go ahead and cut out the section of wet carpet and let it dry outside and then possibly set it back in until arrangements can be made. The wet carpet cannot stay there. I have cut carpet several times without issue. I volunteered because I wanted it to be cut on the grain so it would be straight and not fray little pieces everywhere. What I didn't count on was the million year old carpet. In a split second time the utility knife came back at me and gashed me in the knee. Good grief! I acted fairly quickly and got it closed up so it wouldn't bleed, but not for long. I've never, in my life, cut myself with a utility knife, but I had to do it today... in front of my family. All I wanted was a day of relaxtion. After several minutes of being teased, mom returned from the store with butterfly bandages. They did nothing. We tried liquid bandage. It did nothing. As if finding a plumber on Sunday was hard enough, now we had to call around to see if they do stitches at urgency care. I did not want to pay to go to the hospital.
We headed to the Salmon Creek branch of Vancouver Clinic, my knee wrapped up but still bleeding. I was amazed at the sparseness of the patients. It took several minutes for the receptionist to figure out how to input all of my information. I told her about my injury and about out house emergency. She told us that it was her first day being by herself and how her toilet overflowed caused from Karma for dating someone who's ex didn't like her. Not quite sure how that was the same. Truly this girl needs someone to help her with counter-side manner. As if that wasn't bad enough, I felt dirty from gross water, my legs were not shaved (which I was well aware of) and I never even got to brush my teeth. I walked back with the creepy mannered male nurse to take the temp. When he heard I cut my knee, his comment involved .. was it while shaving? I was livid. What?! Was he commenting on my hairy legs?! ... Of course he wasn't. But what a thing to say. THEN.. he kept trying to make small talk.. forgetting gloves.. staring at my wound.. not getting anything to put on it at all.. I'M BLEEDING HERE! Somehow it comes out in several minutes there that I do theater and that I work for Head Start. He asks if I know so-and-so and this person and that person. No. No. No. Yes. No. Eucgh. Where is the doctor? OH! You do theater??? Well, I play scary clowns in a haunted house. .. Euck. Ooooookay. Well. As if you weren't naturally creepy enough, now I can picture you in nightmarish clown makeup. Just what I wanted in a nurse. I was so relieved the doctor turned out to be normal.. and helpful. I ended up getting two staples in my knee. I don't think, however, that I will be going back there to be getting them out.
Our house is a mess. Water went into our heating vents underneath the house. The heater is okay, but now the house smells a little like a wet dog. Euck. My knee isn't too bad.. just a little uncomfortable. To be honest, I'm more worried that I won't be able to help put down the tile or whatever my parents decide because of my staples. I was the one who did it before. I did figure out who has common sense and who has the DIY knowledge in my family. That is useful information. I'm still tired. I never did get my day of relaxation. I did, however, finally get my shower..... and to shave my legs!! =)
I woke up Sunday morning, tired from Saturday. I had spent several, meaning 6 or 7, hours at the theater, conducting a hair and makeup/costume day for the play that I'm directing "The Best Christmas Pageant Ever". Generally, Sunday would be my relaxation day. Church in the morning followed by an afternoon for a nap or laundry or whatever else I'd like to do.. followed in the evening by church again. Yesterday turned out a bit differently than this.
My mother and I were in the dining room discussing Thanksgiving menus. I had just finished washing my cereal bowl and had sat down to resume the discussion when we heard a swishing sound. It was muffled, but sounded close. Within 5 seconds I realized where it was coming from and scurried over to the sink and opened the cabinet to see gallons of water spraying from beneath the sink. I was still in my bathrobe, but I quickly pulled out everything stored underneath the sink and began dumping out buckets of cleaning supplies to use as water catchers. Once I realized there was no valve underneath the sink to turn off the water, I directed my mother to find the water valve outside the house. This took several minutes and involved looking underneath the house. The water was hot, steaming up my glasses while also spraying me so I couldn't see. I was grateful that I had recently emptied several large shoebox size plastic containers containing movies that I was able to grab and use for water catching too. In the end, I was able to catch probably about 7 gallons of water that would have been on the floor. Unfortunately, there was at least twice that much covering our kitchen, dining room, and living room. The clean up took several hours. Water filled the bottom of all our kitchen cabinets, soaked through the panelled walls and into the carpeted living room about 4 feet, into the dining area and around the computer. The good news is that the computer tower does not sit on the floor, and the piano and electronics in the living room had just recently been moved away from the affected wall. My brother and dad were hunting and had to be called to come home. This took a long while. My sister and her boyfriend had to be called. She was hungover.. and she'd kill me for telling on her.. getting her up and over to help us also took a good long while. Somewhere in all of this I managed to put on some clothing and verify nothing highly valuable was destroyed. Then the dog got out. Good grief! Who left the door open? Melissa? We ran after her barefooted and managed to catch her after several minutes. She just wanted to meet the neighbor dogs. Okay.. dog goes into the bathroom.
Next comes the part where we realize that water has gone into the living room through the wall. My brother and sister help move items away from the wall and we pull up the carpet and padding to see how far the damage goes. Mom and Dad have been wanting to take out the carpet anyway.. Now is the time!! We all decide that we will go ahead and cut out the section of wet carpet and let it dry outside and then possibly set it back in until arrangements can be made. The wet carpet cannot stay there. I have cut carpet several times without issue. I volunteered because I wanted it to be cut on the grain so it would be straight and not fray little pieces everywhere. What I didn't count on was the million year old carpet. In a split second time the utility knife came back at me and gashed me in the knee. Good grief! I acted fairly quickly and got it closed up so it wouldn't bleed, but not for long. I've never, in my life, cut myself with a utility knife, but I had to do it today... in front of my family. All I wanted was a day of relaxtion. After several minutes of being teased, mom returned from the store with butterfly bandages. They did nothing. We tried liquid bandage. It did nothing. As if finding a plumber on Sunday was hard enough, now we had to call around to see if they do stitches at urgency care. I did not want to pay to go to the hospital.
We headed to the Salmon Creek branch of Vancouver Clinic, my knee wrapped up but still bleeding. I was amazed at the sparseness of the patients. It took several minutes for the receptionist to figure out how to input all of my information. I told her about my injury and about out house emergency. She told us that it was her first day being by herself and how her toilet overflowed caused from Karma for dating someone who's ex didn't like her. Not quite sure how that was the same. Truly this girl needs someone to help her with counter-side manner. As if that wasn't bad enough, I felt dirty from gross water, my legs were not shaved (which I was well aware of) and I never even got to brush my teeth. I walked back with the creepy mannered male nurse to take the temp. When he heard I cut my knee, his comment involved .. was it while shaving? I was livid. What?! Was he commenting on my hairy legs?! ... Of course he wasn't. But what a thing to say. THEN.. he kept trying to make small talk.. forgetting gloves.. staring at my wound.. not getting anything to put on it at all.. I'M BLEEDING HERE! Somehow it comes out in several minutes there that I do theater and that I work for Head Start. He asks if I know so-and-so and this person and that person. No. No. No. Yes. No. Eucgh. Where is the doctor? OH! You do theater??? Well, I play scary clowns in a haunted house. .. Euck. Ooooookay. Well. As if you weren't naturally creepy enough, now I can picture you in nightmarish clown makeup. Just what I wanted in a nurse. I was so relieved the doctor turned out to be normal.. and helpful. I ended up getting two staples in my knee. I don't think, however, that I will be going back there to be getting them out.
Our house is a mess. Water went into our heating vents underneath the house. The heater is okay, but now the house smells a little like a wet dog. Euck. My knee isn't too bad.. just a little uncomfortable. To be honest, I'm more worried that I won't be able to help put down the tile or whatever my parents decide because of my staples. I was the one who did it before. I did figure out who has common sense and who has the DIY knowledge in my family. That is useful information. I'm still tired. I never did get my day of relaxation. I did, however, finally get my shower..... and to shave my legs!! =)
Monday, November 17, 2008
Defeating Dragons
Yay! My first blog ever! Yes, I have succumbed to the curiosity of what it would be like to have a "blog". One must ponder, what do I discuss? How much information about my life should I include? Will anyone read it? Will crazy people read it and come-a-stalking? Honestly, I don't think I'm interesting enough to be the target of a crazed fan. Unless, of course, the fan already knows me and how amazing I am.. apart from my mediocre blog. And then they probably already know where I live, in which case I'd be out of luck. Wow! That was a little sad.
Let me start by explaining a little about the "Paper Bag Princess". First and foremost, the "Paper Bag Princess" is a book about female independence. Elizabeth is a princess down on her luck. Her kingdom was all burned up and her fiance was taken by a fiery dragon! Pretty sad stuff. BUT.. Elizabeth doesn't sit around and cry.. she throws on a paper bag for a dress.. that was the only thing not burnt up by the dragon... and she heads off to rescue prince Ronald. She eventually outsmarts and outwits the dragon and rescues the Prince.. only to find out he is not the man she thought he was. She says something to the effect of.. "Ronald.. your hair is combed and your clothes are nice, but you are a real bum!" ... and she goes home!
I love this book. It is a children's book, but my experience tells me, chidren's books hold a lot of truth for all ages. It is funny to me how often I feel like my life is telling and retelling of this story. I am a princess.. this I know.. but I often feel like my nature is hidden by a "paperbag", so to speak. My world falls apart, I trek onward, eventually defeating my dragons, God teaching me something in the process, and in the end finding out the princes I've been enamoured with or the things of the world I've desired.. aren't what they seem. I've been blessed enough to be able to see these things in the end and not settle for less that I deserve. I'm also grateful for the hard lessons. It isn't always easy to keep going when you've travelled far and things don't turn out the way you want them. I do know that God's plan is better than mine. Hopefully, next time the story will have a different ending.. but.. if it doesn't.. I'll hold up my head, giggle a little, and say.. "Ronald! Your hair is combed and your clothes are nice, but you are a real bum!"
My question to all you readers is this: What do you hide behind? What is your "paper bag"?
Let me start by explaining a little about the "Paper Bag Princess". First and foremost, the "Paper Bag Princess" is a book about female independence. Elizabeth is a princess down on her luck. Her kingdom was all burned up and her fiance was taken by a fiery dragon! Pretty sad stuff. BUT.. Elizabeth doesn't sit around and cry.. she throws on a paper bag for a dress.. that was the only thing not burnt up by the dragon... and she heads off to rescue prince Ronald. She eventually outsmarts and outwits the dragon and rescues the Prince.. only to find out he is not the man she thought he was. She says something to the effect of.. "Ronald.. your hair is combed and your clothes are nice, but you are a real bum!" ... and she goes home!
I love this book. It is a children's book, but my experience tells me, chidren's books hold a lot of truth for all ages. It is funny to me how often I feel like my life is telling and retelling of this story. I am a princess.. this I know.. but I often feel like my nature is hidden by a "paperbag", so to speak. My world falls apart, I trek onward, eventually defeating my dragons, God teaching me something in the process, and in the end finding out the princes I've been enamoured with or the things of the world I've desired.. aren't what they seem. I've been blessed enough to be able to see these things in the end and not settle for less that I deserve. I'm also grateful for the hard lessons. It isn't always easy to keep going when you've travelled far and things don't turn out the way you want them. I do know that God's plan is better than mine. Hopefully, next time the story will have a different ending.. but.. if it doesn't.. I'll hold up my head, giggle a little, and say.. "Ronald! Your hair is combed and your clothes are nice, but you are a real bum!"
My question to all you readers is this: What do you hide behind? What is your "paper bag"?
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